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wondering what happened to cause Little Al to go from so strong to suffering
the massive catastrophe that he did. I will try to give you as much detail as
necessary for a better understanding.
While Alan was growing at a rate better than a 'healthy' baby and did not suffer
from any colds or other viruses, he was still a very sick baby when considering
his heart defect. Holly and I both realize now that his heart was much more
defective than even we knew. The fact that he was able to grow so big and
strong and act like nothing was wrong, solidifies even more how amazing Little Al
was. To see him, you could not tell just how sick he was, even after seeing his
scar, you might not still believe there was much wrong with him. But, he had a
problem with the most important part of the human body, and without that part
no one can survive.
While his second surgery was considered a success, his damaged little heart was
never able to recover from the stress and trauma associated with the surgery.
Immediately after coming out of surgery he had problems with keeping his blood
pressure up. The left side of his heart was SO underdeveloped that it virtually
did not exist. This meant the right side had been doing 100% of the work all
along and was now asked to do more...it was more than his little heart could
manage. The doctors and nurses at U of M were wonderful and did everything
they could to make it work. There is no other place we would have trusted his
care to! Alan was on several medications, up to 18, and we were told he could
feel no pain.
We were able to get in and see him for a bit, we held his hands and piggy toes
and told him we loved him. I told him he was strong and that I knew he could do
it. But I also told him, "Bubby, do what you have to." I know that most of you
will believe that a 5 1/2 month old baby can not understand, but I truly believe
Bubby could hear and understand things from his daddy and I think he
understood this to mean he could decide he had had enough if he wanted to.
Both Holly and I believe that Little Al knew he was back in the hospital and that
it was not a good thing. We believe he realized that there was something wrong
with him and that he would never be able to lead a normal life. That would never
have suited him, we could already tell that he was the type that would not have
set on the sidelines, he would have been in the game. We believe he would have
used what heart he had to the fullest and he would have run himself to death
knowing that was what he was doing. He was a stubborn fighter, that was just
his way.
So in all reality, that is pretty much what he did, he used his little heart up in
the first 5 months because he knew he had only a short time here. That is why
he looked so healthy, big and strong. He wanted to get the most out his life, and
he did!
Bubby will always be Daddy's Amazing Little Hero!!!
It will take us some time, but we will eventually get into a rhythm of updating
the website, we will still put things out here about Little Al, we have hundreds
of more photos to share! We will also start other journals for you to read, the
girls are now beginning to participate in more activities as they get closer to
junior high! We have more trips to tell you about, and will have more in the
future! Please stick with us, all of you have meant so much to Holly & I and we
are not sure what we would do without you. So please, keep the guestbook posts
coming, we love to hear from you all, and we always look forward to them. If you
want to leave longer messages, use the 'Contact us' link.
Ryan, Holly, Erin, Megan...and always, Little Al!